I have decided to restart this blog. I know it’s been a long time but my life is in such a different place right now and I’ve been having that itch to write for a while. I’m thinking about a name change as I am no longer focusing on losing weight so that won’t be the major subject of this blog anymore. I have been working a lot with different sources to finally learn how to be compassionate with myself and to learn to love myself for who I am. I am a very compassionate person but not with myself. I’ve been told I’m an empath too which sounds like not a real thing to me but I think it just means really intuitive but I’ll get more into that another day.
I have learned a lot over the last year and a half with my old therapist that I had to leave because my insurance doesn’t cover her and my spiritual adviser that passed away suddenly but I have gained so much knowledge from both of them and I’m so incredibly grateful for it. I tried out a therapist last Fall but I didn’t feel a connection with her and felt like I talked too much and she took a long time to respond so I wasn’t sure if I needed to fill that void or what and she didn’t really give me much advise so I stopped and gave myself through the holidays to not think about it and started looking again in early January I found a new therapist that I really like and think will work out for me. I hate having to search and try out new people so I’m hoping this one sticks. So fingers crossed!
I’m trying to journal a little more too in my personal journals (yes journals). I have my normal one to just vent in, a happiness journal that I need to utilize more that I just write about things that make me happy, and a gratitude journal I have yet to start. I do add something that I am grateful for each time I write in the happiness one so I may just stick with those two instead of getting myself overwhelmed with too many things. Plus there’s this one too. I feel that this one is different because other people read it and I get a different kind of satisfaction from typing instead of writing if that makes any sense.
Last year in March I started taking CBD oil to help with my depression and anxiety and I can’t tell you how stunned I was that it actually helps me. I am so thankful for that because for the first time in my life I feel what I would have to guess is just normal. I am not dulled by antidepressants and I do still feel pain and grief from time to time but it’s so much more manageable. I’m so grateful that it is now legal in California so I have a safe place to go and my dispensary is very helpful and knowledgeable. I know cannabis helped Gina tremendously when she was sick and I have known it to help others in my life.
It’s not a cure-all or anything and I am most certainly NOT saying antidepressants don’t work for people because I know they do. Antidepressants were huge in helping my grandmother with her own mental health, it’s just not what I need for my own brain. Everyone is different, what helps me won’t help someone else, and vice versa. It also isn’t a 100% cure for me. I have to work on the reasons I am depressed and anxious as well.
I also started meditating a bit a couple of weeks ago and it’s early but I swear I’ve been able to control my anger while driving to and from work and I just feel a little more at peace most days. I’m still brand new to it so I need guided meditations and my friend told me about an app called Insight Timer that I really like. There is a week-long free course to starting out with meditation and you can choose from a bunch of other guided meditations that are free or make up your own sounds and music to just do yourself if you know how to do it on your own. The other courses and I’m sure there are other benefits that you can have a paid membership for but there’s enough there for me at least to do for free.
In other news, my brother just moved in to a new place. It’s a really nice apartment with a view and a den for my nephew when he comes to stay on the weekends. He is also turning 30 on the 22nd so we’re going to go out and celebrate with our aunt and his in-laws. I can’t believe my baby brother will be 30! And speaking of my 10-year-old nephew, he’s only a few inches shorter than me now… He’s 10! I’m 5′ 4″! He’s going to be tall!
I’m getting more reading in on the Intuitive Eating book and I’ll be talking about that a bit more soon but I’m glad to start to actually get into the book. I’ve put it off for quite a while but now with a lot of things that were looming over me gone and done, I can focus more on this journey of my life.
Can’t think of much else going on so I’ll leave it there. I hope to write again soon once I get through the first of the ten principles of Intuitive Eating.