I have really missed blogging the last few months but I think I just needed a break to clear my head and get through at least some of this grief. I still struggle but things are getting better. I go through moments where I have good weeks then bad. Thanksgiving through Christmas was really hard. That was her favorite time of year. Our whole family could tell that her presence was missing.
I am getting help though to not only to get through the loss of my mother but also to help heal myself. I have so many insecurities and it’s been pretty debilitating. I was really awkward growing up unless I was close to you and my goal in life was to pretty much become invisible. And it pretty much worked. Now I have to work at undoing all of that. It’s hard work but I know I need this.
Anyway, I’ll keep up on the progress as it goes along but I just wanted to give you a little bit of an update.
For the first time in my life I think I’m glad Christmas is over. We got the hardest one out of the way and now I can be more organized for the next one (no really!). My friend told me about an app called Santa’s Bag where you can keep a list of who you want to give to, how much you want to spend on each person, what you bought for them (and how much that item was) and if you’ve wrapped it, and given it. So I can just keep on top at least knowing how much I am planning on spending so I can save up sooner!
I am still sticking with Weight Watchers and considering I’m only up 1 1/2 pounds above my heaviest compared to when my dad died, which was 40 pounds, I consider that a success. I am really liking the enhanced Weight Watchers program called Freestyle and I will start a post on that right after this so it can be on its own.
My aunt and I went to St. Helena last Saturday on the 8th anniversary of my dad’s death but it was a good day. We walked around Main Street in St. Helena and had an early lunch at my parent’s favorite restaurant in the town called Market. The food was so good! Then we went to visit my dad and next to him is my Great Grandfather and my Great Uncle Joe. Nearby in another family plot is my Great Aunt with her husband and his family. So we have a lot of history in Napa County.
I love going to the Wine Country because it feels like I’m in a different country. I’m away from the bustle of Sacramento and the Bay Area and I feel a connection probably because of the family history and we went there a lot as kids when my dad would go visit the wineries for his job.
This coming weekend my cousin is coming to visit for a few days from the East Bay and I’m going to (try to) teach her how to crochet and we’re going to the Global Winter Wonderland which is held at Cal Expo (where they host the state fair in the summer) and have a movie night with my brother and his son and nieces and I’m sure we’ll do some other fun things. I’m really looking forward to it.
I think that’s all I have for now but wanted to give you a (not so) quick update and know I’m back and planning on posting a lot more often especially about weight watchers and the updated program. Bye!