I’m still here. I must admit I’ve been avoiding writing because my computer’s on the fritz but at the moment it’s being okay. Thank God for Apple Support. They are so helpful!
Anyway, I’m struggling hard with everything. I know it’s to be expected but I want to get some of this weight off so I feel better and don’t have this huge gut in my way. I carry it mainly in my stomach region which is both annoying as hell and not the healthiest place to carry excess weight. It’s because of the PCOS that I carry it there but I don’t want to talk about that right now.
I am just getting by each day right now in a fog almost. I do get things done that have to be done but I feel so lost without my mom. Most days at work I’m fine, but all I want to do after is go home and go to bed. I just lay in bed most of my evenings and waste the day away. I hate this. I wish my mom was here. I don’t know what to do with myself. Tonight is a bad night I’ll admit but good days are just spent being numb laying in bed unless there’s somewhere I need to be.
I did go to a Disney meeting last weekend which was good for me to do and I did have a lot of fun. But when get togethers and time with family or friends is done, I go straight to my room. I don’t do anything with my life.
Depression really sucks the life out of you. I am on the max dose I can take for Lexapro and I do have to give myself a break with what I’m going through but I don’t have the strength to get off my ass and go do something. Other than eat… I graze at work, some days after work or at lunch I have been grabbing some crap at some fast food restaurant and eating away my feelings. Then I’m so full for the rest of the day and feel so drained and numb that I just lay in bed watching YouTube or Netflix or whatever.
I feel like I’m rambling and not making much sense so I apologize for the lack of quality if that is the case in this post. I just needed almost a brain dump of words or something before getting to bed as it’s 10:15 on a Wednesday night so I better call it quits now. Thanks for putting up with my brain for today.