Yay, it’s Friday! It’s funny how everytime Friday comes around everyone says something about it being Friday. Well duh we know it’s Friday! I can be sarcastic, very sarcastic, but there’s something to be said about Fridays.
Anyway, I have finally realized what is making me so tired. It’s the medication I’m taking! It’s also what has been keeping me in a funk, and I am thinking it is the reason I’m always eating things I shouldn’t.
I’m going to call my doctor and make an appointment to see her and see if I can try something different, or if she think’s I should try not being on anything for a while to see if I’m better.
The main reason I’m taking an antidepressant is because I started getting anxiety attacks around September after my dad passed away. I think it took a while for me because we spread his funeral, second memorial mass (most people don’t have that, it’s a long story), and burial throughout the 3 months after he passed away.
Then dealing with other things in life, and finally once everything calmed down my body was screaming at me to take care of myself. I started feeling certain that something was wrong with me thinking I was going to die.
I told my mom at nights sometimes I’d pray to God to let me live through the night, I was so certain I wasn’t going to make it. My heart would race and I couldn’t calm myself down. I’d get to the point where I was shaking and if I was walking to the kitchen I had to hold onto one of the diningroom chairs in order to keep myself steady.
It was such an odd thing for me to feel. The depression really kicked in in early September when my aunt and I went to visit a family friend in San Diego. We spent one of the days at Disneyland, and the next day we went home and I don’t think that helped, but I was so down on the drive back.
One thing I’m sure you won’t be surprised about is that I have withdrawls from Disneyland when we are driving home. I hate the drive home from there because you’re driving through nothing really. Then you see random depressing farm towns and it just brings you down even further.
But this was worse, and unfortunately co-workers started noticing. Not everyone, just the ones I’m really close to noticed that I wasn’t myself. I’d cry at the drop of the hat.
Anyway, long story short, a friend recommended Zoloft and I’ve been on it ever since, but I think the fatigue and wanting to eat everything in site symptoms are kicking in full time! We’ll see what the doctor has to say!
So for the weekend, I’m going back down to the bay area for Mother’s Day. I got my mom a Willow Tree figurine. It’s called close to me.
I really liked it. We’re very close so I thought it was fitting for us. Now I just need to help Nick pick something out, unless he surprised me and did it himself. You never know, that boy surprises me all the time! I say boy, but he’s 22 so legally, he’s not, but still! 🙂
I’m going to make brunch for my mom, scrambled eggs, bacon or sausage, and swedish pancakes. I’m going to make some seperate eggs for myself that aren’t loaded with butter and olive oil, unless I can cook them with just spray without them seeing. Hmm, that’s a good idea!
I almost forgot, I’m getting my hair cut on Saturday, and my mom may or may not be coloring my hair tonight. I have to see how energetic we are (yea I laughed when I said that!). Eitherway, I’ll post before and after pictures of the hair.
Still don’t know if I want to keep most of the length (it’s roughly 4-5 inches below the sholder) or cut it off for the summer. And by cut off I mean shoulder length. I don’t do short short hair! I’ll keep it a surprise I promise! You won’t know the decision until I get it done!
Okay, I’m out!