OK before the air gets sucked out of the room, I want to start off saying I know this is a very sensitive subject and highly controversial, but I was reading an article that a friend of mine posted from Cosmo of all places about things not to say to a fat girl (You might want to read the article first because I’m just giving my 2 cents on the list and not saying what they said) and I wanted to speak a little on the subject and how I personally have been affected by most (not all) of what was listed and just generally speak out about how women are treated in society period.
I do want to warn you I may start venting a bit because some of the people who have had “concerns” for me are my own relatives.
- You’re not fat!- First off, no one has EVER said that to me so maybe I’m too fat to have someone say that to me to make me feel better. I have had similar comments like, “you’re not that bad.” But I get the gist of what they’re saying. We need to stop making fat a negative word. It’s a descriptor. Try switching it with another word and you can see how ridiculous it sounds. For example, “That girl is so blonde!” Get it?
- You have such a pretty face – Or how about, “you’re pretty now, just think about how gorgeous you’d be if you lost some weight.” I have had RELATIVES say this to me. It’s funny to me that relatives are more vocal than friends are… Do you really think these statements make us feel better about ourselves? The answer most definitely is no!
- Oooh, Let’s go to Bebe!!!- I think Cosmo thinks that this is an actual statement, but it never has been in my circle of friends. ONCE when I was a teenager I was with a friend who wanted to shop in there and I felt like a blob! If you haven’t read the article, read it for this specific one, her reply is hilarious!
- Do you really need that candy bar?- Ok, so reading this one too makes me realize I got off kind of lucky because I never had this one either. I find it atrocious that someone would have the gall to say it though. I do remember watching Supernatural on Netflix to see why it’s such a big friggin fandom on Pinterest and being appalled that one of the main characters said something similar TO A CHUBBY BOY ON HALLOWEEN! I felt sick to my stomach. They also have said other things about fat women and female virgins and if it weren’t for the comments like that, I might have really liked the show. People say such great things about it and I have watched it due to being vested the storyline and wanting to figure out what happens but I stopped it at about 2 or 3 seasons ago… (SEE THE DAMNED TANGENTS COMING IN! I’ll try to keep them at bay but that has been eating me alive for a long time now!)
- You’d look better if you were healthier.- See response to 2 above… And I’d like to add, how do you know I’m not healthy? Are you my doctor? Have you seen my lab results or medical history? No!
- Ugh! I’m so fat!- I have heard this plenty of times and I have felt on occassion, well if you think you’re fat, what the hell do you think about me? But I have grown to realize that society has beat us into thinking we just have to be negative about ourselves and being fat is “the worst thing you can be.” So it’s not that they think badly of you because you’re bigger but we’re all so used to saying bad things about ourselves. And from personal experience, I have only seen this happen with women, never with men…
- Have you ever tried INSERT EXERCISE HERE? Have you ever heard of exercise at all? Do you come from this planet? That’s how they worded it… But I get more of comment #10 below so I’ll get more into it there.
- Oooh! Can I borrow that skirt sometime?- No one on God’s green earth has asked to borrow my clothes. I am shocked someone would ask especially when they’re of a different size than me. Plus, I don’t really know what I’m doing as far as fashion is concerned. I really need to win the lottery so I can get a personal shopper…
- Have you lost weight???- I get this ALL THE TIME, however, it’s because I have indeed lost weight. And you all know it if you’re been reading my blog. So, it’s not annoying to me.
- You know, Atkins worked for my aunt.- I have gotten get this exact comment (but it wasn’t a hint that I should do it, it was just family updates, oh so and so is doing this) and I have gotten again from relatives, similar comments that get my blood boiling. I had one person tell me that “You can’t lose weight if you don’t go on a diet.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! That got me SEETHING! I had another relative say something along the lines of, “I see your pictures on Facebook and…” pause and a look on the face that says “you’re going to die any minute because you’re such a fat piece of crap and you’re clearly so unhealthy and I’m so “worried” about you.” And the funny thing is these people have NO BUSINESS telling me how to live my life. I was told these things after losing between 15 and 25 pounds. It was like the weight I did lose didn’t count. You’re still a fat piece of crap…
- I am just trying to help.- But you aren’t helping. You think you are, but you’re making it worse…
- This was a bonus and actually a positive comment that is okay to say… You should be a Plus Sized Model. – Thing is, no one has ever said this to me either. I do get told I’m pretty by my relatives or close friends but that’s about it. I once was told (no joke) by a guy giving out samples at Costco, “You’re pretty, but you know you’re mom’s more beautiful right?” THAT WAS SAID TO ME! Thanks bud for the back handed compliment and for setting me back at least 10 years trying to feel better about myself! Really appreciate it! I get told all the time that my mom could have been (and can still be) a model.
Basically, we need to treat everyone with the same respect we expect from others. We need to stop putting people down for what society finds as a shortcoming. Also, it is NOT OKAY to put down someone just because they are skinny. It goes both ways! And it’s not just weight or looks but also skin color, height, social status, having anything that is different from the media’s view of what is “normal.”
So instead of putting people down, why don’t we worry more about what we are contributing to this world? Go serve food to the homeless instead of automatically assuming they are going to use any money they get on drugs. Try giving someone a complement instead of an insult just to get a few laughs. We should just try to be better people.
Okay, I’m going to stop. I really hope I don’t get a lot of flack for this post but I really needed to vent. And fyi, I am okay with suggestions and comments on this blog. That’s what this blog is for. I am trying to lose weight for health reasons and trying to be healthier in general and that makes this a place for that kind of discussion.
Okay, I’m off!