This one has been really hard for me to find the emotional capability to start. On May 10th, my mother passed away suddenly to a heart attack. I’m sure you can tell if I haven’t said anything before, that I was extremely close to my mom. I spent every free minute I had with her. This truly is my worst fear come true. I am trying to just get through each day in tact because there is so much to do. I gave my 30 days notice at the apartment complex because 1, I can’t afford to live there on my own, and 2, I can’t handle being their by myself without her. Thank God my aunt let me move back in until I can get back on my feet.
We had her rosary and funeral mass/reception in early June which was beautiful and I’m so happy it turned out so well. I think stress was a main culprit but her health and eating habits weren’t great either. She was so stressed about money and she didn’t have much of a social life while I was at work and with her eating habits (not much food and all carby sugary stuff) she hit her limit. I think really that God thought she just had enough. She’d been through enough in her life and suffered most of her life with depression and other issues and I am thankful she didn’t suffer the way my dad did. If she had gone that way, I wouldn’t have been able to survive that. I really don’t think I would have. It’s hard enough now but that would have literally killed me to see.
It’s been over two months now that she’s been gone and it will take me a long time to get back to a normal life and I will give myself that time because I have to start a new life without her. I can’t tell you how many times I put off writing this and starting and stopping because I just can’t get through it but I felt this needed to be said. I will stick with this blog and posting more often to keep my mind busy but that will be for another post.
If you can learn anything from this, please don’t let time go to waste with your family. Tell them you love them and how much they mean to you. Create special memories, and don’t leave things left unsaid. You may not have a chance to say them next time. Thank you to the abundance of love and support I have gotten from my friends and family. They all know how hard this is for me and I feel grateful to know even when I feel alone, I’m not.